Today is my ex’s 30th birthday and I’m currently sitting here contemplating whether or not I should tell him happy birthday. Hopefully, by the end of this post, I will have figured it out. I briefly told the story in my post To The Guy Who Didn’t Know We Were Dating, but I figured why not tell more of the story without writing a freaking book. So here it goes:
This is really embarrassing to say, but I met Anton (name slightly altered) at the end of 2006 in an AOL chat room – I just cringed writing that. I was young and dumb, please don’t judge me. We went on our first date Jan 6th, 2007 (girls always remember dates lol). I’ll spare you the boring details of the first two years, but he was my first kiss (looking back 19 was kinda old for having a first kiss, but oh well), he was my first love, he was my first everything. I was away at college, he lived with his parents so we were hot and cold for years. He was seeing other people and I was so love-starved that I took whatever piece of love he was willing to give me.
Year 3 – After I found a picture of him kissing some girl on Myspace (yes, Myspace), I finally stood up for myself. There was a nasty exchange of words and we were done… for about 4 months lol. We reconnected and things were different. He drove down to my school for homecoming weekend, he called me every single day, we talked for hours each night. He showed genuine interest and after almost 3 years into this thing, I finally fell in love with him. Even though I was head over heels in love with this guy, I knew the good times would always come to a crashing, burning end.
Year 4 – Another year of being hot and cold, I found a picture of him kissing a different girl on Facebook. I know, I know… but it gets worse.
Year 5 – After five years of dealing with Anton, I’d caught him with more than a handful of girls. I have no idea why I was holding on to hope that he’d realize how great I was to him and that it would be more than enough for him.
Year 6 – This was probably our best year. We spent a lot of time together and he started changing into the man I could see myself with. He was preparing to go into the army and I was there helping him study for his ASVAB and being supportive, but we weren’t together officially. After he was sworn into the army, he went M.I.A. on me. I’d hear from him every now and then, but I knew he was in training so I didn’t trip.
Year 7 – August rolled around and he was home on leave. We saw each other a couple times, he told me how much he loved me and that he wanted me to come spend time with him in Texas in a few weeks. I was on cloud nine at this point, but remember when I said the good times never last with him.
August 15, 2014 – I found it odd that I couldn’t reach him all day, I’d spoken to him every day since he had been on leave. I had a strange feeling that something was going on, but he never mentioned anything to me 2 nights before when I was with him. I felt the urge to log into my fake Facebook account to see if anything was going on. People were congratulating him, but there wasn’t a reason stated as to why they were congratulating him. I figured he had gotten a promotion, but surely he would tell me, right? Things weren’t adding up, so I went over to his best friend’s page to see if I could find out more info. If you go searching for something, you will surely find it. There it was on his best friend’s page, a status congratulating Anton on getting married. I died emotionally that day and haven’t been the same since.
It was finally over and there was no going back. He continued to reach out to me, wanting me to basically be his side chick, but I wasn’t having that. Yes, I had been dumb and naive for years, and I held on for way too long to a man who didn’t really want me, but I knew I deserved so much more than that. It has taken 3 long ass years to slowly wean myself off of him. It was excruciatingly painful to cut those ties. I couldn’t just shut love off, even after being hurt in one of the worst ways. I dealt with moving on the best way I could, even if that meant leaving a line of communication open. He still messages me “Hey” from time to time, I respond like I’m talking to an old friend and not like he’s someone I used to be in love with. I know that we wouldn’t have lasted anyway. I hope he’s happy now and I take comfort in knowing that I’m capable of loving someone.
After writing all of this, I have determined that I will not be telling him happy birthday lol. My life is going way too good right now and I don’t want to open Pandora’s box. I’ll just tell him happy birthday in my head and keep it moving.