The older I get the more I come to strongly dislike the holidays. I have little bursts of holiday spirit here and there, and I like to give and receive lol, but I’m pretty much the female version of The Grinch. I like to think of The Grinch as my spirit animal. I’m so over the traditions that are hanging on by a thread, the family drama, the materialism, etc… I’m one “bah humbug” away from saying f**k the holidays.
If you’re like me and you want to avoid the festivities, but you don’t want to get a guilt-trippy lecture from your mother, here’s how to survive the holidays:
Bring headphones and a fully charged phone
Find a corner or spot where you can sit and listen to a good podcast or watch YouTube videos and drown out the world until it’s time to eat. Things you’ll need: noise-canceling headphones and a phone charger, just in case. Also, be prepared to tell your little kid cousins “NO!” when they ask if you have games on your phone.
Bring a friend or partner up with your favorite family member
If you have a friend who can’t make it home for the holidays or doesn’t have family in town, invite them to your family’s dinner. At least you won’t have to worry about having awkward conversations with your creepy uncle. Or, if you have a favorite cousin or sibling, link up with them and gossip about your crazy aunts and your cousin’s bad ass kids to pass the time. Your aunt won’t be able to call you antisocial this year!
Make sure you have another stop to make, so you’ll never have to stay in one place for too long. Set a timer for 60 to 90 minutes for each stop, that’ll give you just enough time to make small talk, grab a plate, and just as someone’s about to ask you about your future plans you can say “Would ya look at the time! Sorry, I gotta make another stop.” Kiss grandma and get the hell on!
Make a break for it
If you can’t bear it any longer, just tell your family you need to run to the store, I’m sure there’ll be a CVS or Kroger open, go and walk around. Last year I snuck out of my aunt’s house and drove around Atlanta, it was almost like a ghost town and I loved it! By the time I got back everyone was ready to open gifts.
Just Skip It
Take a mental health day and don’t show up. Christmas is extremely stressful, do whatever you need to do to keep yourself sane, and if that means you don’t do Christmas this year, then so be it! Skipping Christmas doesn’t mean you don’t love your family or that you don’t want to spend time with them, sometimes you just need a break from them and that’s okay.
Here are a few more things you can do to survive the holidays: retreat to your car, take a nap, or drink, but don’t get so drunk that you end up saying or doing something you’ll regret. A little alcohol in your system might make things a bit more bearable, but make sure you have that DD on standby. You don’t have to follow traditions and attend every single family holiday dinner, celebrate the holidays the way you want to. However you choose to spend the holidays, I hope you enjoy it to the fullest.
Merry Christmas/Happy Holidays!!!