Anxiety, where do I begin? The joy stealing, sweat inducing, reoccurring nightmare that is anxiety, I know it all too well. And I know there are billions of people out in the world, like me, who battle it every single day. We put on that happy, smiling face and cry on the inside every time we set foot out the door. We cry in our cars, restrooms, or empty hallways when shit gets overwhelming and suck it up we hear or see people coming. Anxiety’s a b***h.
My anxiety flares up whenever it feels like it. It’s like an unwanted guest that shows up at your house and doesn’t know when to leave. And when you try to kick it out, it pitches a tent on your front yard. It finally goes away, but you know it’ll be back. It’s so clingy, you hope you don’t run into it on the street, but unfortunately, I always do. It finds me at work when I get an email, every time I step into a mall or store, it even finds me in parking lots, keeping me confined to my car for what seems like hours. All I want to do is be normal, but what is normal these days? Everyone I know has some kind of anxiety.
It’s hard to do just about everything without anxiety popping up saying “gotcha bitch!!!” Hell, it’s hard to write this post. I can feel it weighing down my shoulders as I think of all the times I’ve felt trapped by anxiety. It’s crippling, debilitating, nauseating, and infuriating. I can’t sleep, I can’t think, I can’t breathe, I can’t live! Like I said before, anxiety’s a b***h.
I could think of many times where anxiety ruined my day, but I don’t want to drag this post on for too long. I’ve read so many articles and blog posts about how people are trying to combat their anxieties, but at this point, I’m not sure how to go forward with any anxiety treatment. I usually try breathing exercises or drown out my anxious thoughts with music while I’m at work (I think my coworkers probably hate me lol, this thought alone gives me anxiety). I’ve thought about seeing a therapist, and medicinal treatments, I’ve even thought about smoking weed again. I’m not sure if I can afford any of those things. For now, I will continue managing it with meditation/breathing exercises and I’m working on getting back into an exercise routine, which does help in a way, so we’ll see how this goes.
If you deal with anxiety, please share how you cope with or treat it.