by Crystal

Anxiety’s a B***h

Anxiety, where do I begin? The joy stealing, sweat inducing, reoccurring nightmare that is anxiety, I know it all too well. And I know there are billions of people out in the world, like me, who battle it every single day. We put on that happy, smiling face and cry on the inside every time we set foot out the door. We cry in our cars, restrooms, or empty hallways when shit gets overwhelming and suck it up we hear or see people coming. Anxiety’s a b***h.

Anxiety's a B***h

My anxiety flares up whenever it feels like it. It’s like an unwanted guest that shows up at your house and doesn’t know when to leave. And when you try to kick it out, it pitches a tent on your front yard. It finally goes away, but you know it’ll be back. It’s so clingy, you hope you don’t run into it on the street, but unfortunately, I always do. It finds me at work when I get an email, every time I step into a mall or store, it even finds me in parking lots, keeping me confined to my car for what seems like hours. All I want to do is be normal, but what is normal these days? Everyone I know has some kind of anxiety.

It’s hard to do just about everything without anxiety popping up saying “gotcha bitch!!!” Hell, it’s hard to write this post. I can feel it weighing down my shoulders as I think of all the times I’ve felt trapped by anxiety. It’s crippling, debilitating, nauseating, and infuriating. I can’t sleep, I can’t think, I can’t breathe, I can’t live! Like I said before, anxiety’s a b***h.

Anxiety's a B***h

I could think of many times where anxiety ruined my day, but I don’t want to drag this post on for too long. I’ve read so many articles and blog posts about how people are trying to combat their anxieties, but at this point, I’m not sure how to go forward with any anxiety treatment. I usually try breathing exercises or drown out my anxious thoughts with music while I’m at work (I think my coworkers probably hate me lol, this thought alone gives me anxiety). I’ve thought about seeing a therapist, and medicinal treatments, I’ve even thought about smoking weed again. I’m not sure if I can afford any of those things. For now, I will continue managing it with meditation/breathing exercises and I’m working on getting back into an exercise routine, which does help in a way, so we’ll see how this goes.

Anxiety's a B***h

If you deal with anxiety, please share how you cope with or treat it.

32 thoughts on “Anxiety’s a B***h”

  1. Pingback: Anxiety vs Responsibility – Living With Diabetes In A Developing Country

  2. Appreciate this post, I also have anxiety and have found music doesn’t really help, but it sure does drown out the thoughts. Making myself do something I fundamentally enjoy like reading, painting, or writing often helps. Mostly having supports around me. I want to do therapy, but going through with it makes me anxious. Ha ha. Good luck, I’m rooting for you!

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    1. Thank you so much!!! And I’ll be rooting for you as well! I totally get how you feel about therapy. How do you overcome anxiety to go to therapy to treat your anxiety? I have no idea how I’m going to get to that point lol.

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  3. For me, writing about when I’m feeling has been the best therapy. It helps me face what I’m feeling and explore what is causing it. On those days I just don’t want to face it, I drown it out with music or a good book or just focus on knitting. I know it’s a process but just accepting that I deal with anxiety was my biggest hurdle.

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    1. I totally get it. Knowing it’s there and being able to feel it coming, kinda helps me stops it from turning into a full-blown attack. I think I need to start digging into what causes it. Thank you so much for sharing your experience with me! ❤️

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    1. Thank you so much!!! I’m glad to hear that you’ve found a way to better manage your anxiety. I haven’t decided on which treatment I’ll go with, but right now I’m just focusing on keeping stress levels down. avoiding the triggers, and being mindful of the causes of my anxiety. Hopefully this will sustain me until I can begin some sort of therapy. ♥

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  6. It takes practice not to worry too much about even the important things, my young beauty. You have to consciously tell yourself not to stress out. I always tell myself that the worst case scenario is about as likely as the best case scenario. You didn’t win the Powerball? Then the worst is not likely to happen either.
    Thanks for visiting my site btw.
    Peace be the Botendaddy

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    1. Thank you so much! I get exactly what you’re saying. I guess it’s all about speaking reality to yourself in those moments. It’s hard to do, but it really does help. Thank you ☺️

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  7. For me, dancing really helps when I’m anxious but I can only do that in my free time. At other times, I just focus on day-dreaming about the kind of life I hope to live in the future, listen to good music or both.

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    1. That’s a good idea! Dancing is a good distraction. I wish I could break out into dance at work lol. Music helps most of the time, I just need more coping mechanisms for when it doesn’t work, so thank you for your tips, I really appreciate it! ❤️

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  8. I have Anxiety that my Cancer left behind. I do have prescription drugs, which I don’t take because I am not really a “medication” advocate. For the most part, it helps to get alone, in a quiet place and just try to focus on my breathing.

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  9. I totally understand where you are coming from. Especially the part about thinking that your coworkers hate you giving you anxiety. I suffer from anxiety as well and I found that deep breathing and also trying to establish why I feel the way I feel help a bit. If I start to feel anxious I can usually, but not always, find the root cause. It’s mostly overthinking that leads me to it, or knowing I have to do something I don’t want to do, or some other stressor. Keep your head up and keep fighting!!

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    1. I think my anxiety stems from overthinking as well. It’s a tough battle to fight, but it gets a little easier when you know you’re not alone and you’re not weird or strange for having these thoughts. So thank you very much for sharing a bit of your story. ❤️☺️

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  10. Thank you for liking my blog; the feeling is mutual! I am so sorry to hear that such an intelligent, lovely young woman is tormented by anxiety.

    Have you tried yoga? To practice it correctly, you have to concentrate on the poses, which gives your mind a much needed rest.

    Are there any self-help groups in your area that you can join? Sharing with others may help.

    I wish the best for you!

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    1. Thank you so much! I really appreciate your kind words. I have not tried yoga, I’ve thought about it and felt a bit intimidated by it all. I think your suggestion will make me revisit the idea, so thank you once again. ♥

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  11. I have anxiety too. When I was untreated I would do so many things to combat it like rubbing my head raw, hitting my hands, tapping, clicking pens, ugh…and the thoughts just bombard your mind and you can’t even think straight. So many people thought I was shy but it was just anxiety keeping me from being me.

    My treatment has been zoloft and therapy. Right now I see a therapist and psychiatrist that I was referred to by the Holemen group. They are amazing. I live in California so I qualify for Medicaid (MediCal here) and I get my prescriptions and sessions for free for the rest of this year. I got the referral from my doctor so perhaps your doctor can suggest some low cost or free treatment for you.

    I wish you the best! Anxiety is a B***H!

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      1. Of course. And I can understand the uncertainty about medication. In my experience it has been fine except I bruise very easily because zoloft is a blood thinner. Every medication has side effects sadly but hopefully one will work for you.

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  13. When anxiety pops up on me. I close my eyes , breathe slowly and think about all the good things I have going for myself, I think about the people who loves me, I think about my happy place (the beach). As those thoughts are going through my head, I try to not focus on the tears I feel forming in my eyes. You just have to remain calm and know that this b***h is only temporary and yes it may return but you fight it off 🤷🏽‍♀️

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  14. Pingback: Anxiety vs Responsibility – Living With Diabetes

  15. Hi Crystal, I too have struggled with anxiety and OCD since I was diagnosed at the age of 12 (I’m 27 now). I have been through it all from medicine to cognitive behavioral therapy. The therapy of course saved my life as a child because I had to totally reteach my brain on how to function properly, but as an adult my strategies have changed.

    The book “Brain Lock: Free Yourself From Obsessive-Compulsive Behavior” By Jeffrey M. Schwartz M.D. changed my life. It helped me as an adult to conquer my mind and control my obsessive behaviors, BUT the hardest part is controlling intrusive thoughts. With anxiety your mind can just spiral into a black hole of despair causing you to have those (super fun) physical symptoms that come with it. The key for me is to first be consciously monitoring my thoughts and aware of where my mind is wandering to and when I notice it going down a dark path I have to shock myself out of it. I try to think of a totally unrelated topic, seriously I sometimes have to just think of simple things like cute puppies and kitties lol. When my mind is calmer, and I can tell I’m feeling more rational, then maybe I can try to address what is making me anxious. But if it is just a self destructive thought then it needs to just be mentally crossed out or thrown away because it has no value or benefit in my life.

    I apologize for how long winded I have been, but I am very passionate about this topic and sharing with others my strategies to overcome the same struggles. Controlling my mind and thoughts are the hardest part of this disease and using your mind like a muscle to retrain and refocus your thoughts is SUCH a helpful way to deal with this disease.

    Link to the book I mentioned:

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    1. Thank you so much! I really needed to hear your perspective, especially as someone who has been through therapy. Thanks for the book recommendation, I look forward to reading it! ❤️

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