It seems that I like to torture myself in the most painful ways, one of them being visiting my ex’s Facebook page. I don’t know why I do it or what I want to get out of it, but sometimes I just can’t help myself. I stalked my ex’s Facebook page and got exactly what I deserved.
During our on and off relationship, we weren’t following each other on social media, so I created a fake Facebook account to see what he was really doing. You can probably guess what happened next – I found out he was seeing someone else. Like a dumb-ass, I started seeing him again a couple of months after that situation. A few years later, while we were still seeing each other, I found out (through Facebook of course) that he got married! And that my friends was the nail in the coffin.
Since that dreadful day, he has apologized profusely, begged, and pleaded for me not to give up on him, but I was done. Our communication dwindled and I’d finally kicked the habit of checking his page until the day I found a Facebook friend request from him back in April. I couldn’t believe this friend request was coming from the same person who didn’t want to be Facebook friends while we were seeing each other, but now he wants to friends (FUCK THAT!). I accepted the friend request…
Now that we’ve been Facebook friends for about eight months, I have found myself relapsing into that old habit. I don’t know why I do it or what I want to get out of it. Although we’re deemed friends, I have unfollowed him, but it still doesn’t quell that urge to check his page every now and then. It never fails that the result always produces the same emotions: hurt, anger, post-breakup depression. I feel that I in some way deserve to feel like this, knowing what he’s done and how we ended. He’s moved on and he’s happy, so it seems. I try my hardest to exhibit the same depiction through my Facebook page, in hopes that he sees it and feels the same shitty way that I do. This moving on stuff is hard, I can’t wait for the day I can finally say that I no longer stalk my ex’s Facebook page, and it all becomes a faint memory.