I spent my time pleasing you, loving you, giving myself to you, I never realized I was building “us” by myself, depleting myself. I never realized just how unwilling you were to give, to give me what I needed, what I was longing for. I stuck around a little too long with you, telling myself that you needed someone like me, “one day he’ll see just how great I am for him. I could be his moon and his stars if he would only let me be. He’ll see how much I love him, want him, breathe him. He’ll take me in his arms and just know.” The day I longed for never came.
My love for you imploded and fell on top of me with an indescribable force. I fell to the earth, crushed, broken, half dead. I stayed there until I could no longer stand the debris of our imploded love making its way through my skin. I cried and cried, but no one came to save me. I saw light as I pulled out the shards of broken promises and lies from my eyes. I heard a voice, your voice, calling out to me with apologies. Telling me you never meant for this to happen, telling me you never meant to let us crumble. How can you be so sorry? You bulldozed something you never worked to build.
Years go by. You stop by every now and then, just to watch me. You watch me pick up the pieces from the ruins of our love. I know you watch me, I anticipate it, almost welcome it. I want you to watch me. I want you to watch me pick up every salvageable piece. Watch me rebuild. Watch me restore. Watch me come back to life. And when everything is shiny and new and you finally decide to stop watching and make your way to me. To call out to me with apologies. I will no longer answer. My love for you is no longer here. My love for you has moved on. My love for you is gone.
Explanation: I wrote this after I found myself randomly and awkwardly crying over a breakup situation that happened 2 years ago. I thought I was over it, but I guess there are some dormant feelings that seep out every now and then. It’s natural, it’s life; I realize that it wasn’t meant to be and I’m so much better for it.