The look on a person’s face when they hear my answer to the question: “Do you want kids?” is priceless. It looks something like shock and horror. I must be some sort of ungodly monster if I don’t want to have kids. While I completely respect women who have children, want children, or aren’t able to conceive, I also respect women who decide that they don’t want children as well.
Of course I’ve thought about what it would be like to be a mother and I’ve gotten a taste of mothering from being around my nieces, nephews, and my God daughter, but it’s not something I really see for myself. I don’t want to experience childbirth, I don’t want the responsibility of being a parent, I’m scared of ruining a child’s life, and I’m nervous about the possibility of being a single mother.
Being a parent requires complete selflessness, and I’m not there yet. I’m an introvert and having to give up my personal time and space really freaks me out. It’s a lifelong commitment. The pressure to get married and have kids still exists. It can come from your family, friends, or society in general. Watch any Hallmark movie and you’ll see countless movies about career women who regret their lives and want to go back in time to fall back in love with their first loves and become stay at home moms. Being a mother is a wonderful thing and children are a blessing, but I don’t believe that marriage and motherhood is for everyone.
I’m not going to lie, when I was in love, I could see myself having a family and living that life. I thought about what my boyfriend would be like as a father and husband, what kind of wife and mother I would be, and our lives as a complete family. All of those thoughts and fantasies died when he broke my heart. I’m not completely ruling out kids, I will never say never. If God wants me to have a kid or two, then it will happen, but right now at this very moment it is a NO for me. I see it that way for the next few years, but who knows, five years down the road my mind could totally change. I could fall in love with a man who brings those thoughts and feelings back or I could marry a man who has kids and become a stepmom. Being a mother isn’t limited to women who give birth. I’ve always thought about adoption maybe my mind would be more open to the idea when I am established and settled in my career. We shall see. Maybe Mother’s Day 2020 I’ll be writing a different blog post, but until then I will continue thoroughly enjoying my single, childless life.